Lime Green Wasps, Ballet, and Big Red Bouncy Balls
by rosepetal704
Summary: Harry explains why, once again, he hasn't done his homework. And this time, he has a really good excuse. A perfectly believable one. But- does Voldemort really know ballet? Third in the Potions Class series, but can stand alone.


_**Disclaimer: Harry Potter, sadly, does not belong to me. Special thanks to my sister, with whom this is co-authored!**_

"For this week's assignment I'm handing out quizzes on different potions and their respective properties. For each question I will expect a detailed answer, and every answer must be at least four sentences long or I _will_ give you a zero."

Severus Snape shot a pointed glare at Harry Potter, looking as if he would be quite happy to fail him.

Snape handed out the quizzes and there was a noisy scraping of chairs as the fourth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins got up and started on to their next class.

_Next Potions class:_

"Homework out, everyone," Snape commanded.

The fourth-years began to dig around in their bags for the quizzes Snape had given them last week.

Harry, however, remained in his seat looking straight ahead, as if he had not heard Snape.

Snape began collecting everyone's homework and stopped when he got to Harry.

"Your homework, Mr. Potter," Snape said.

Harry gave a loud sigh. "I hate to give it to you when I went through _so much_ trouble to get it back," he said as he handed the quiz to Snape.

Snape looked at it and frowned. "This is blank, Potter, except for question one."

"Well of course you can't expect me to have _done_ it, considering the circumstances."

"And why not?"

Harry's face lit up. "Oh, you see sir, I-"

"Never mind, I don't want to hear it! Ten points from-"

"Wait!" Harry whined. "Just let me explain! I-"

_"No,_ Potter! I'm not going to let you waste my class again!"

Harry looked annoyed. "Fine! If you're sure you _don't_ want to hear how lime green wasps, ballet, and big red bouncy balls stopped me from doing my homework, I just won't tell you!"

"No, I most certainly do _not_ want to hear-" Snape began and then stopped. _"What? _What in Merlin's name are you talking about, Potter? That doesn't have anything to do with homework!"

"Yes, it does! If you'll just let me-"

"No, it does _not!" _Snape interrupted. "Tell me how that has _anything _to do with your homework."

"You see sir, I was in the common room late last night doing my quiz. The only sounds were my quill scratching against the parchmant and the wind rustling through the leaves of the Whomping Willow. And then, as the clock struck twelve-"

_"Why_ were you doing your homework at midnight?" Snape asked.

Harry shrugged. "That's just when my brain tends to work best. _Anyway,_ as the clock struck twelve I heard an ominous buzzing noise. I looked up and saw a wasp. But it wasn't just any old wasp." Harry lowered his voice to a whisper. "It's body was lime green, it's wings were hot pink, and it's eyes were red. And it told me it needed my Potions homework. Apparently I can speak wasp language as well as parseltongue," Harry added. "I refused, but then it _took_ it from me, using brutal force! It was the most heartbreaking sight, watching that wasp fly away with _my_ homework!"

"I'm sure you must care about your homework very deeply, if it's that _heartbreaking_ to lose it," Snape commented sarcastically.

"Yes, I do care about my homework!" Harry said passionately. "And I would have gone to you for another quiz, but I had a psychic vision of what would happen if I did. I saw myself going to the dungeons, and entering the Potions classroom. You were there, grading papers. I very respectfully asked for another quiz, but you just stared at me for a long time. And then you started lecturing me! You were all like, _'Mr. Potter,_' " Harry imitated Snape in a dull monotone. " 'You are flunking Potions class, what are your college plans?' Which is of course stupid," Harry added, "Because as far as I know, wizards don't even go to college! But apparently you didn't know that, 'cause you just kept getting angrier and angrier and angrier! And then finally you flipped out! And tried to kill me with a hammer!"

Snape muttered something under his breath about thinking that might just be a good idea.

Harry ignored him and took a deep breath. "So of course I couldn't go to you for another quiz after that. And I could only imagine," Harry shuddered. "What would happen if I came to class with _no_ quiz at all. So I had no choice. I had to go after that wasp. So I grabbed my Firebolt, which conveniently happened to be right next to me, and flew off.

"I followed the wasp for a while, and then it stopped right next to Hagrid's hut, and went through the portal that was for reasons unknown to me next to Hagrid's house."

"There was a _portal_ next to Hagrid's house?" Snape looked unbelieving.

"Yes, it was all purple and shiny and swirly, and anyway, I followed the wasp through," Harry continued. "And when we got to the other side the first thing I noticed was a _huge_ mansion, but it was made _entirely out of homework_."

Harry paused, his eyes wide, and looked at his teacher.

Snape didn't say anything.

"Well, once we were through the portal the wasp _finally_ slowed down enough for me to talk to it. I asked it to give me back my homework but it refused, so then I asked it why the heck a _wasp_ even wanted my homework! It said it was taking it to the wasp king, who was obsessed with homework, and then without another word it flew off toward the homework mansion. I had no choice but to follow it again, so I flew after it, across the bright blue dirt of the wasps' home planet."

Snape stared at Harry. "The wasps...have a home planet...with blue dirt on it...?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, _duh,_ professor, I mean, the bees get their own planet, so why wouldn't the wasps? I thought _everyone _knew that."

Snape appeared to have lost his voice, so he simply glared at Harry.

Harry continued, "When I entered through the great gates of the homework house, I was met with one of the creepiest things I've ever seen in my life. The whole place was _swarming_ with wasps, all lime green like the one that took my homework! There had to be _thousands_ of them! But right in the center of it all, there was this one _huge_ wasp! He had a crown made of homework on his head, so he was obviously the king. The wasp that had my homework bowed before it and said, 'Master, I have brought what you commanded,' and dropped my homework at the king's feet.

"So then I jumped off my broom and said, 'Wait! I'm not letting you have that without a fight!' and valiantly prepared for a battle to the death. But the wasp king just laughed and said, 'Ah, Harry. I don't _really_ want your homework. That was just a trap to get you to come here.' But then he changed! No longer was the king of wasps standing before me. In his place was the Dark Lord Voldemort!"

Several people gasped as Harry used Voldemort's name.

"But then he did something totally weird and unexpected!" Harry continued, looking a bit freaked out. "He started _dancing!_ He did all these weird fancy ballet moves, and all the wasps clapped and cheered while I stood there speechless. Then as he finished with a dramatic flourish, he said, 'Ha! Beat _that,_ Potter! Everyone thinks you're so special, the boy-who-lived and all, but you can't even dance! And _now_ I'll kill you!"

"But just then lots of chocolate candies starting falling from the ceiling, except they didn't _stay_ chocolate candy! When they hit the ground they turned into big red bouncy balls and started bouncing all over the place! In the midst of all the confusion I was able to grab my homework and broom and get out of there fast. By the time I got back to Hogwarts it was already morning so I didn't have time to finish my quiz before Potions class. And _that_ is how lime green wasps, ballet, and big red bouncy balls stopped me from doing my homework." Harry smiled and leaned back in his chair. "The end."

Snape stared at Harry for a while and then exploded. "THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS STORY I'VE EVER HEARD!"

"Hey, you asked," Harry shrugged.

But Snape was still yelling. "WASPS AREN'T LIME GREEN, THERE ISN'T A PORTAL OUTSIDE HAGRID'S HOUSE, AND THE DARK LORD DOES _NOT_ DANCE BALLET! THAT IS THE MOST STUPID, IDIOTIC EXCUSE FOR-"

But just then Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall appeared in the doorway, looking alarmed. "Is something wrong? What's all the yelling about?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape glowered at them and pointed at Harry. _"He_ is what's wrong! This is the third time he has wasted my class with some ridiculous story of his! Fifty-no, fifty-_hundred_ points from Gryffin-"

"Wait!" Harry interrupted, looking pleadingly and innocently at Dumbledore and McGonagall. "He asked me a question and I answered, that's no reason to take points! After all, it would just be disrespectful to _ignore _a teacher."

"That is exactly right, Harry," Dumbledore said, then turned to Snape. "It seems there's really no need to take points, Severus."

Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of Potions. "I believe you all have classes you need to be getting on to?" Dumbledore said to the students and walked out the door.

Harry stayed behind as the others left, and Snape looked up at him from his desk where he had started grading papers. "Hadn't you better be getting on to your next class, Potter?" He growled.

"Yeah, I just have to tell you something first," Harry said.

Snape looked suspiciously at him.

"BOTHER!" Harry yelled, giving Snape a light shove, and ran out the door, laughing.

_**~~Thanks for reading, please review!**_


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